The first ten words that came to mind were: Pick a battle close to your heart and fight it. Totally off the top of my head. I swear.
So by the haphazard musings of my mind I’ve come to write about how sometimes it is a form of solace when you no longer care about things, as morbid and depressing as that may sound. Because the truth can be sad and hard hitting. In this case it is an amalgamation of both.
In my senior year of high school, I had to take a few months off and missed a few mock papers in preparation for finals. I’m still not entirely sure what happened to me but what I do know is this. I was suffering from depression possibly brought on by the excessive pressure I was facing in school. I always get good grades and yet I never believe I will do well while everyone around me says I would definitely ace it. I just want to scream at people that I don’t always have it all figured out and that maybe their expectations are in fact way too high.
So essentially the few months I took off from school were filled with highs and lows. Initially it went from bad to worse before it got better. To be honest, I just took my mind off everything waiting for me back at school and focused on the good things in life. Because I came to realise that it is never as bad as it may seem. I just needed to alter my perfectionist mind set. Normally I’m not one to appreciate the great outdoors since my primary occupation is that of a couch potato (I’m actually due for a promotion any day now 😉 but during my ‘break’ I used to just sit in the balcony, soak up the sun and just breathe in the fresh air, go for walks and sort of re orient how I saw myself. I realized I was so much more than a straight A student even though everyone else may see me as just that. I had to stop defining myself on other people’s terms and instead on my own.
So sometimes closing off can be a good thing, life changing in fact. Don’t always take things too seriously. Close your heart sometimes until you are truly ready to open it again. To open it to the right things.